Bank Robbery

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me,"

The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks,

"So, what do you think about that?"

The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says,

"I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"

THE FIRST SHOT

A girl asks her  boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with  her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl  announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would  like to go out and make love for the first time . The boy is ecstatic,  but he has never had sex before, so he takes a  trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells  the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist  helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy  everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the  pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to  buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the  family pack because he thinks he will be  rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy  shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his  girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my  parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and  is taken to the dinner table where the girl's  parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and  bows his head. A minute passes, and  the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and  still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20  minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over  and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were  this religious." The boy turns, and  whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a  pharmacist."

If you DON'T forward  this to at least 1 person you have a bad sense of  humour !!!

Subject: Simple Maths
 
 The owner of a business in Jamaica was confused about
 paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary
 for some mathematical help.
 He called her into his office and said, "Yu graduated from UWI and I
 need some 'elp. If me give yu $20,000, minus 14%, how much
 would yu tek off?" The secretary thought for a moment, then replied,
 "Everything but meh earrings."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"