AIDS

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the doctor's waiting room, where her daughter had been waiting.
"Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well.

I have terminal cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini."

 After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.

There were some laughs and more martinis.

They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.

"I have been diagnosed with AIDS ," The friends gave the woman their condolences, and they had a couple of more martinis.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, but you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS."

The woman said, "I know, I just don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."

A BLACK MAN’S PRAYER

Back in the days of steam ships, only rich white people sailed at sea
One day while sailing, something suddenly happened to the ship.
It was about to sink.

Terrified, the white folks aboard didn't know what to do.

Someone suggested that they do what the Negroes did..
"Pray".

Unfortunately, no one knew what to say.

So they called "Thomas", a black cook on the ship and asked him to pray.

Thomas agreed, came up on deck,

removed his cap and began like this:

"LAWD one day I wuz hongray,

An da sign said:
'FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY.'

Den, I went to da water fountin to git me some wauter an da sign said:
'FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY.'

Den Lawd, I went to de toilet room and da sign said:
'FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY'.

So Lawd Al_my_tee...when dis hear big 'ol boat sanks.. let it be:
'FOR WHITE FOLKS ONLY.'

In yo name I pray... AMEN.

Why parents drink...
 
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.  Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.  " Hello ? "  
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
 
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"  " Yes ."

"May I talk with her?"  Again the small voice whispered, " No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy   ", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice. < B>

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."